Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Happy birthday Molly Claire...

I know this picture may seem a bit morbid. It is the best shot I have of Molly's features, and was taken moments after I delivered her. I couldn't even look at it for months after I had her. Now, I have this picture framed, and on a high shelf in the master bathroom. I see her face every day. She reminds me to keep on going. I love her, and miss her every day. It doesn't seem fair that some people can have all the kids they want and abandon them, while I would give anything to have her back. I have a lot of questions when I reach the other side.

A few insensitive people told me I would "get over it." Or, that having another baby would, "make everything just fine." Or the best one... that Molly wasn't a, "real baby." What an interesting thing to say to someone... No one could ever take the place of my Molly, and I wouldn't want them to. She holds a special place in my heart. I have a sweet Aunt, who delivered and buried 5 babies. She is in her 80's. If you ever talk to her about it to this day, she tears up. Only someone who has been through delivering and/or holding your dead baby knows how it feels to lose what might have been. While some are insensitive, others are so kind and understanding. I am thankful for those people in my life.

I have a sweet friend who delivered her 3rd dead baby last week. We were talking yesterday, and she was saying that she knows how it goes, and that people are so nice for about 3 weeks, and then life gets back to normal, and people seem to forget, even though you are still hurting inside. Certain days are hard, certain social situations, even a word can trigger a thought, or longing in your heart. I guess this is part of parenthood. All in all, I am thankful, and wouldn't trade what I have been through for never having experienced it. Life is good.

1 comment:

Aunt Chris said...

I wish I could have known you little Molly.